"The sound makes the music" is a well-known saying. And it contains a lot of truth. After all, the way we communicate with each other not only contributes to the success or failure of a conversation - and therefore also a relationship - but also shapes our thoughts. And there is increasing talk of mindful communication as the key to success. But what does that mean? How can we learn to communicate mindfully and listen properly? And what are the most important principles? We get to the bottom of it.

Mindful communication: The basics

Mindful communication is about a genuine exchange. Without judgment and jumping to conclusions. But with a good dose of empathy. Those who communicate mindfully are therefore completely in the here and now and not only come into contact with the other person, but also rest in themselves.

Your own self: perceiving yourself

The first point in particular, contact with oneself, sounds obvious. But this also needs to be learned. Because good communication with others can only succeed if we develop a feeling for what is going on inside ourselves. We must therefore first concentrate on ourselves in order to then move from the "I" to the "we" - for example, by visualizing the following:

• Feel for a minute: If you have an important conversation coming up, take a minute for yourself beforehand. Feel inside yourself and ask yourself: How am I feeling? What is my body doing, what is my head doing? Do I have a need that wants to be satisfied? Am I striving for recognition or orientation? Or am I hungry or restless? And what of this really belongs in the upcoming conversation situation? Can I tick any of it off beforehand, let it go or satisfy it? All of this is essential so that you can be completely at peace with yourself before you come into contact with others.
   
• Strengthen self-esteem: For some people, however, it is also about their own self-esteem, which threatens to plummet during conversations. In this case, it is advisable to speak a few sentences of praise to yourself on your smartphone or write them down on a piece of paper. What do I like about myself? What am I good at? What is going perfectly in my life right now? Keep all of this in mind when anger or disappointment arises or when you realize that you are unnecessarily belittling yourself, for example with certain conversation partners.
   
• Formulate "I" messages: It is also helpful to move from the spiral of reproach to the level of need. This means: always pay attention to the feelings and needs behind your statements. Because it makes a big difference whether you say: "You're extremely selfish and only talk about yourself" or: "I have the feeling that you don't care about me because you never take my plans seriously." Some people also find it difficult to address things specifically and prefer to hide behind general phrases such as "You should clean the windows". Get over yourself and say honestly: "I'd like you to clean the windows."
   
• No tall tales: Before you tell the other person any tall tales, it's better to keep quiet. This advice sounds banal, but we humans tend to tell untruths to save ourselves from dicey situations or to maintain harmony. However, lies and fibs always come to light at some point and ultimately cause suffering for everyone involved. So before you twist something because you don't have the courage to stand by your opinion, it's better not to say anything next time. This may result in fewer conversations, but they will be all the more honest.

From I to we: learning to listen properly

Taking an interest, letting others finish, responding to others - these are all characteristics of mindful communication. But we don't always succeed. Because we are often simply not present. But you can learn and train how to listen properly, for example like this:

• Practice listening: A good exercise to practise listening is to choose an unfamiliar piece of music. Then close your eyes and just listen. Try not to think about anything else, but stay in the here and now without judgment. For some people, this is a real feat of strength, because we unconsciously mix what we hear with our own experiences and preconceived ideas. This is also how we feel in conversations - and that is the crux of the story. But mindful communication is only possible if we are able to listen properly. Try to follow this principle - don't ramble on, don't judge what you hear and don't correct. By the way: Meditation also trains this skill.
   
• Learning to accept: Listening properly is one thing, but we must also learn to accept other opinions. One exercise to improve this is to choose any topic and take on the role of both supporter and critic for a minute. Let's take the topic of "social media", for example. The supporter might say: a great invention that allows people from all over the world to network, a playground for creatives or a way to spread news. The critic, on the other hand, will mention the high potential for addiction, the reduction in personal contact or the issue of data protection. By finding arguments for both sides, you will learn to better empathize with the thoughts of others in conversational situations - and become more tolerant.
   
• Perceive the level of communication: Just as our statements are often permeated by hidden needs, expectations and feelings, there is always a factual and an emotional level with the other person. Even simple messages such as "The traffic lights are green" can therefore contain an annoyed "Press the accelerator" - and thus suggest that the other person is criticizing your driving style. If you notice such intentions, it is advisable to address the person specifically and ask them about it. This will prevent negative emotions from building up and leading to misunderstandings.
   
• Be able to withstand pauses in conversation: Surrounded by communication tools, we are no longer used to silence anywhere. And this also applies to conversations. But if there is a long silence, this is by no means a shortcoming, because the constant struggle for attention is not good for us humans. So learn to tolerate pauses in conversation and use them to reflect on what you have heard. It is not for nothing that it is said that if people can remain silent together, this is a sign of deep connection.

Impulses and inspiration on the Turracher Höhe

If you think about your own communication skills and question some things, you have already taken the first step towards successful conversations. But the most important thing now is to break out of your routine and practise, practise, practise. This is the only way to break old patterns and implement new guiding principles. The topic of "communication" is also close to our hearts at the Seehotel Jägerwirt. On the one hand, we cultivate a familiar and appreciative approach - you come to us as a guest and leave as a friend who we may be able to welcome back in the near future. On the other hand, we would like to give you inspiration ourselves - and have designed the "High Flow Communication Retreat" for this purpose, among other things. A vacation with us at the Turracher Höhe with the added bonus of inspiration. With various workshops and plenty of time for reflection. 

Alexander Springenschmidt, Managing Director of Seehotel Jägerwirt, is an expert on the topic of flow throughout the DACH region. With his "High Flow Time Management" patent, he helps people to achieve twice as much in half the time without burning out. 

www.alexanderspringenschmidt.com